Today is six years since my daughter Jordan gained her angel wings. It certainly does not feel that long ago but then again, it feels like a lifetime since I saw her last. I remember being told that time is a great healer but I feel that the only thing time brings is the ability to get use to the pain, to create coping strategies to get through and to learn to live without her being here. Life does go on. Its not the same life I once had, it’s a very different one and not by choice, but it is a life and after how hard I watched my daughter fight for hers, I think I owe it to her to fight to have mine in whatever form it takes.
I can not recount any day since Jordan has passed that I have not thought about her or spoken her name. Often these thoughts are filled with emotions, some good, some bad but they are my memories, my laughter, my tears and they for me mean that the love between us will always be in my heart.
I remember when Jordan was going through her treatment how difficult it was ensuring that we kept her away from friends and family that were ill, especially when she was neutropenic. The constant washing of hands, hand sanitiser and bleaching the house on a daily basis when we were not at the hospital. Constantly wiping the TV remote, light switches and door handles with anti-bacterial wipes and here we are again, just for a different disease.
When I say my life is very different since Jordan passed, that has been increased imaginably in recent weeks due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
I have found myself, as I am sure you have, with more time on my hands than usual which gives the mind chance to wander. There is also the uncertainty of what is happening. As human beings we have the tendency to worry about things that have not happened yet, we use our past experiences of similar occurrences to preconceive what will possibly take place. Unfortunately, as this is something that is unlike anything we have experienced, we can be prone to despair and increased anxiety. If this is all affecting you then it is completely normal. If you need to talk to someone then there are many resources available for you to speak to someone either on the phone or electronically online:
Samaritans- 116 123
Shout- text SHOUT to 85258
You can also source counsellors via the internet.
For families that have children receiving treatment or post treatment at this very difficult time, you are in my thoughts as I can only imagine how extra difficult these unprecedented times must be for you. This on top of all the usual protocols, the uncertainty and lack of support from extended family and friends must be making everything so much harder.
I hope you all have the best possible Easter that you can with as much chocolate as you can. Listen to the government currently, stay home and stay safe.
Sending much love and positivity to all,